Loved
by Chenor
Summary: Dell loves Rook, no matter what...no matter what.
1. Ignorance

LOVED

Summary: Dell loves Rook, no matter what...no matter what.

-genre: romance; hurt/comfort

-rated: T for language and mild sexual connotations

**EDIT: I've edited the mistakes and phrasing problems. **

**A/N: I've wanted to write this for a while now, but i had no computer, and, well, I've already written something like it, sort of. However, seeing the poor quality of it, I've decided to write this anyway. Loosely based but heavily influenced by the game «Loved» by Alexander Ocias. You should give a try!**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter One: Ignorance**

Dell was rude, obsessed more with his work than his own life, obnoxious, pretentious and an embarrassment. So when Yuuma fell madly in love with him, it was like a smack to the head. Dell was the friend of a friend, Yuuma's friend Rook, to be precise, and as soon as they had met he had felt an attraction towards him, though it was purely sexual at first. «mysterious and dark smartass» was his first impression of the man, but he soon learned that Dell was a straightforward no-secret keeping type. A perfect asshole, you could say.

He flirted with him, obviously, but he soon saw all his advances rejected, and it was obvious why...Dell was already in love. It had surprised him at first (Dell Honne of all people, could feel something other than anger and petty sarcasm?) and he soon found out it was Rook who was subject to his affection. However, direct as he was, Dell was too shy to ask Rook out...Yuuma thought it was mostly a bunch of corny bullshit.

Ironic how he was doing the exact same. He didn't know when it had happened, but it had, and it drove him nuts. Really, falling for a guy like him! Someone who probably couldn't go through one day without fucking something up royally! Yet, when he realised his attraction for him started going further than just lust, he realised it was too late. A damn shame, too. Sure, Dell was attractive, but there were tons of people much more attractive than he. After all, it was towards his looks that he was attracted to, right? Dell's personality, after all, was about as pleasing as a dead rat in your shoe.

The good news was that Dell had no idea, and the _bad_ news was that Dell had no idea, so kept on going on and on and _on _about his unflattering admiration for a thug like Rook. He had chosen for confident of his love someone who loved him, a terrible, predictable, fairy tale-like love triangle.

He was jealous and upset of Dell's poor decision and poor taste in men, but was too kindly to take it out on him or on Rook. Yet, when he saw Dell's eyes light up that way whenever he talked about Rook he still wished that one day, those eyes would shine that way for him...Dell, who was usually so damn callous, smiling for someone who was probably not worth the trouble, well...it upset him! What was so great about Rook? Sure, he was reliable, but the guy was into shady shit, a real petty low gangster. Yuuma hated being so overcome by jealousy, since he still wanted Dell to be happy. And, well, if Rook could bring him that happiness...

However he put it, though, he was tired. Tired of listening to Dell going on about how great Rook was or how much he loved him. It was so painful, it hurt so goddamn much he couldn't take it. And one day, he just couldn't go on any further.  
>They were walking together, that day. Did Rook knew Dell liked walking? Huh, probably not. He didn't care.<br>_But I'm not here to critise them, _he had thought, _I...have to tell him.  
><em>The thought lingered for hours as they walked around town, bought roasted chestnuts to fight the autumn cold, and talked. It was dark when he felt the courage to talk, but just as he was about to say something, Dell started to babble about his love once more. Yuuma was polite and listened, that was just his way. But little by little he lost his patience, and his heart.  
>"Do you find it funny?" He cut him, "Do you enjoy torturing me this way? Is that the kind of person you are?"<br>Dell paused and stared at him curiously, wondering what he had done wrong. Of course...he didn't know. He didn't know anything...the idiot never did. Yuuma hesitated to continue down that direction. Dell was known to be delicate, despite his outwardly strong appearance. Not delicate in character...but more in mental strength. Push him too hard, and there wouldn't be a Dell anymore. He had a fragile heart, the bastard.

"I...I'd really like if you didn't go on about Rook all the time, Dell." he muttered, "It's just, well, I don't see the point. He's not a good person."  
>Dell laughed so hard, Yuuma couldn't help but blush.<br>"I won't!" He laughed, "I can't, more like. I love-"  
>"I <em>know<em>! I know you love him, I get it already!"  
>Dell hesitated to speak. Had his mental limit already been reached? He was so weak. What a guy to fall for. A weak boy who can't take things when shit goes wrong.<p>

"It's awful and makes me feel like shit. Every time i see you, you have to...you have to put him on a pedestal! It's fucked me up so badly, you have no idea. I just can't take that anymore, okay? Dell, I love you. Please stop, okay? Just stop. I'm in love with you, and you're destroying me."

He didn't look away when he saw Dell's shock. He was ready for it, or, he had thought that. But seeing his face twist in confusion, realisation and shock killed him inside much more than he had ever wanted. What could he do now? What would Dell say? He was filled with so many mixed feelings he didn't understand, that he didn't know what to do with...anger, jealousy, envy...and yet, no hatred. He couldn't hate Rook or Dell. He couldn't.

"You've just made things so awkward..." Dell chuckled nervously, "I'm sorry, Yuu. I love Rook, I can't help that. I'm sorry."

He patted Yuuma's shoulder in a mock resemblance of pity and gave him a blatantly fake half smile. "I'll pretend this never happened...okay? So we can stay friends."

That night, when he got home, "crying your heart out" was something Yuuma finally understood.

The next day, when Rook asked him to hang out, he hesitated, knowing Dell would be there. After a while, he accepted, and ended up having not such a bad time after all. Dell had acted like it had never happened, but Yuuma didn't know if he liked that or not. He even acted a little more open towards him, but Yuuma ignored it.

When Dell had run off to the shops to get a new scarf, Rook had watched him leave with a smile on his face.  
>"He asked me out."<p>

Yuuma spat out his coffee and coughed, gasping for air.  
>"What?" he exclaimed, "So that's why he's so...what did you say?"<p>

Rook blushed, "I said sure. I like him, i have for a while now...we're childhood friends, he and I, i think it's perfect. We've always been close friends, and we're closer, i like that."

Yuuma hesitated to tell him he didn't give a rat's ass. He needed to get rid of his love for Dell, and though ignoring him was cruel, maybe it was they only way. It was all that he could think of, at any rate. He seriously needed new friends...

"Sucks at it, though." Rook murmured, blowing the smoke of his cigarette into the cold air.

Yuuma glanced at him curiously. "Doing what?" He asked.

Rook laughed and hit him lightly on the back, "Don't play dumb with me, i know you too well. I mean sex, you idiot, he's no good at all."

"You already had sex?"

Rook shrugged.

"People have sex on the first day too," He said, "Nothing wrong with it. I thought you would know that kind of thing?"  
>Yuuma did know, but he found it gross. Sure, he liked sex just as much as the next guy, but wasn't that abusing of Dell's affection? Was he looking too much into it? Yes, he was. But he was jealous, dammit! Well, okay, he had also tried to get into Dell's pants. But that was different because, well...because he was Dell! Besides...there was that one time...but that was something else. It didn't even count.<p>

Rook was still going on about his unsurprisingly sadomasochistic sex life, but his actually addressing him finally caught Yuuma's ear.

"Did _you _sleep with him?"

"What?"

Rook insisted: "Did you sleep with Dell?"

Shit. Yuuma thought quickly.  
>"He's, uh, my type and all," He answered, "But no. And i wouldn't try, since he's dating you now."<p>

That was a lie. It was before Yuuma had fallen for the guy. Dell was upset, it was late, they were drunk...Dell was so drunk, in fact, that he had forgotten everything the next day, for better or for worse, besides, Yuuma wasn't the kind to linger over one-night-stands. So, with this, he knew that Rook was lying. Dell was amazing in bed...in more than enough ways.

Why would Rook say that? Was he worried that he might try sleeping with Dell (again?) At any rate, his comment had made Rook smile. He was jealous. Good.

"Reminds me of when we fucked." He said

"Oh my god, no, shut up."

"You were soooo bad, Yuu."

"It was my first time!"  
>"You cried"<br>"It was my _first time,_ and you were really rough with me!"

Rook laughed off his comment and smiled even wider when Dell arrived holding a large green scarf that he hastily wrapped around Rook's neck, not saying a word. Yuuma wondered if Rook had been rough with Dell...eh, he probably had. Masochist as he was, he probably didn't mind, though. He admitted he would have like to see Dell's O face just one more time. That was a real beauty, it was.

They eventually headed out and separated at the fork and went their separate ways.

Yuuma's home had three bedrooms, though only two people lived there. It was a great soft pink Victorian design replica that his mother had passed down to him whilst she was away. The rent wasn't even that high, so with his job as a graphics designer in a pharmaceutical company he had enough to pay, and his cousin Luka, who lived with him, also contributed to paying.

At 32, she had been married for five years before realising her husband was a complete idiot, and she left him. Having nowhere to go, she decided to stay with her little cousin until she had found a cheaper place to live. Yuuma thought that she especially liked the house, though, so she probably wasn't counting on leaving any time soon. He didn't mind much.

"You're finally here," She said when she saw him come in, "I came back early, so I'm cooking for once, it'll be ready in a little while. What's up?"

"Dell Honne ruins my life, amongst other things."

Luka rolled her eyes as if to say "here we go again" and turned back towards the stove.

Yuuma didn't know what he was feeling anymore. Was it hatred? Betrayal? The impending illusion of an impossible, one sided love? Yuuma was brought up being taught hatred was foolish and wrong. Seeking revenge was equally idiotic. But still, seeing Dell so happy for another, it just...

Oh...dammit, he was 22, he could get over a petty guy like Dell! Sure, he wished he would love him back, but if that was impossible, then so be it. He was too old for romances like this, Dell had someone now, he wouldn't look at him. It hurt, it was unbearable...and it was over. He coughed.

Luka spun on her heels and faced him, pointing a wooden spoon at him.  
>"Have you been taking your medication, young man?" She asked.<br>"Yes, old woman, I have." He sneered, "Don't lecture me now, Luka, I'm not in the mood for a lesson, okay?

"Yuuma, it's a very serious illness. Don't joke around, make sure you take them properly."  
>"They give me headaches!"<br>"Yuuma."

She crossed her arms and when he didn't answer, she whacked him lightly on the arm with the spoon. She always mothered him ever since she had had that miscarriage the year before. He let her do it because it made her happy, and it was nice having a mother figure around when yours was away all the time. He was an adult, but it was nice nonetheless. He got up to go to his room, but sensing she was still staring at him in worry, he turned to face her.

"I can start taking them when you're around, if you want..."  
>She smiled.<p>

He let himself fall onto is bed when he was finally in his room, knowing Luka was probably behind his door, listening for coughing or vomiting. That's just how she was, and he was fine with it. After all, if he did end up throwing up, he wouldn't be able to call for help. That's why Yuuma had to carry around one of those emergency buzzers that called both Luka and an ambulance. He mostly thought it was useless, he wasn't _that _sick.

He had lied, though. He hated the meds, that gave him awful migraines, and the anti-depressants just made him feel empty.

Every time Luka had given him the pills, three of them, each with their own precise time to take at, well, he forgot about them, and they got lost.

He didn't care if t killed him in the end. He wasn't much of a nihilist, but everything was just so useless...should he hate Dell? What if Dell hated him? He had changed too, and it wasn't thanks to him. It pissed him off, he didn't want to admit it, but it just...did. It was like another slap to the head. Was he...just not good enough for Dell? Was that it?

Yuuma knew he wasn't all the great, anyway. He was so worthless, what had he done so far in life? Nothing much, really. What did it matter? Yuuma had one person he loved, and that person didn't love him back. He felt so empty, so useless, so...

A sharp pain made him clutch his stomach, groaning. Shit, he didn't think about that, he needed to calm down. Okay, so he said he didn't care if it killed him, but he did, he really did. If he could stay around for Dell, he was okay with that.

The pain reduced a little and he sighed, his face covered in sweat. It was more painful than before...maybe the migraines were worth it after all.

A small knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts and he struggled to his feet, but finding he didn't have much strength left, he decided to stay sitting.

Luka walked in, worry on he face. She saw the face he pulled and reminded herself to scold him later. "Someone's here for you." She said.

She left and Dell walked in, a small smile on his face.

"Hey."  
>Yuuma was still weak, but his heart was already starting to break, just with that smile. Why did he have to come now, of all times? Asshole.<p>

"I wanted to say thanks." Dell said, closing the door behind him and going to sit next to Yuuma, "For going along with the game, i guess. Rook didn't notice anything. I wanted...to say thanks. And that I'm sorry, too."

Yuuma stayed silent. The more Dell talked, the more pain he felt. It wasn't from his heart, though. He placed a hand on his stomach, the pain nearly getting close to being too much.

"You..." he tried, chewing on his words, "You come here, thinking I could forgive you for...doing something you haven't done wrong...it isn't your fault, dumbass. But you really think it's okay? Coming here, closing the door, sitting next to me in the dark..."

Dell stood up, holding up his hands, flushed.

"That wasn't what I...!"

Yuuma didn't even feel like telling him it was a joke at that point. He got up, what with struggle, and held up a hand to Dell's face. He realised a small mark on his cheek, something that was never there before. He ignored it.

"You're killing me," Yuuma mumbled, "You're really killing me...You just have no idea what you do to me, do you? You drive me absolutely insane. Rook this, Rook that...even when i told you to stop, you just keep doing it. And even if i told you I love-"

He doubled over and started to cough violently, his arm over his stomach. Dell, worried, put his hand on Yuuma's back, only to have it be pushed away.

"Do you need a drink? Hey..." Dell insisted, pulling Yuuma's arm, "Yuuma, are you...hey, Yuuma!"

Blood dripped onto the floor, and Yuuma's coughing stopped, for him to groan and hold tight onto Dell's shoulders.

"Lu...ka...go get...her..."

Dell helped him sit and rushed to the kitchen, and as soon as she saw Dell's face she turned off the gas and rushed to Yuuma's room, where he had fallen onto the floor and was in a fetal position, holding his stomach and whimpering. There was blood over his hands and mouth, as he had tried to stop himself from throwing up blood.

Luka yelled at Dell to go call an ambulance and helped Yuuma up, and forced him to take some medicine.

A few days later after his operation, Dell visited Yuuma at the hospital. When he got to his room, Luka was at his side, talking to him silently. She saw Dell and told Yuuma to wait, and stepped outside.

"Hey there, Dell," She smiled, "Yuuma's better. He got scolded by the doctors again."

_Again? _Dell thought. He hadn't known Yuuma for very long. Seeing the puzzlement and worry on Dell's face, she brought him to sit in an office with her.

"You're a doctor here?" Dell asked, "I didn't know..."

Luka smiled. "You want to know what happened, right? That's why you came here?"

Dell nodded.

"Ever since he was little, Yuuma had a very dangerous sickness called Gastric Mucosa Lesion, which is stress induced. To put it very simply, whenever he gets too stressed out, his gastric acids will work up and start to cause damage to his stomach. If it gets really bad, it will form holes in his stomach, which will then go on and destroy the rest of his organs, which is why we must always keep a close watch on him. That night, a hole was formed itself in his stomach, and, well, you saw what happened. If we hadn't acted, he would have died."

Dell listened closely, clutching his jeans. Stress induced? He knew it would stress him out to go see him. But for him to have a stress induced sickness...

He could have killed him. He could have killed Yuuma.

Luka watched him start into nothing for a while, and sighed.

"I don't mind you going in to see him," She said, "He's on medication and is safe. However, once he's out of here, he'll probably stop taking them again, much to my demise."

Dell looked at her this time, curiosity mixed with shame in his expression.

"...that means that if Yuuma wishes it," she continued, "You must no longer come into contact with him. He needs to rest, and you stress him out. I'm sorry, i know you were friends..."

They talked for a little more before Dell excused himself to go see Yuuma, what with Luka's accord.

He knocked lightly on the door and stepped in, seeing Yuuma's curious face change into a mix of emotions he couldn't quite place.

"Hey..." Dell tried. "I brought you something...but, well, hearing that this was my fault i guess i shouldn't give it to you, huh."

He hesitated to move towards him or even to say another word, but as Yuuma wasn't speaking, he had to say something.

"It was me, wasn't it...? Who did this to you. I mean, not the illness itself, but...causing it to go off."

Yuuma stared at him for long enough to make him uncomfortable, then sighed heavily. "You're acting suspiciously nice." he mumbled. "Admitting you're wrong isn't really your thing."

Dell froze.

He laughed nervously and looked around. "Rook...told me I should stop being so mopey..." He started to rub the back of his neck, something Yuuma knew was a nervous tick with him. "So I've decided to be a little kinder, at least. If that can make him happy, I guess..."

"Leave."

Dell looked at him and was about to talk, but was stopped by Yuuma's hand. "Leave."

That was it. No explanation, no shouting, no anger...Dell felt hurt. He turned, and, without a word, left Yuuma to cry alone for a second time.

It wasn't long before Yuuma could leave the hospital, and he went about his work, getting scolded for not taking his meds by Luka, getting fawned over by his co-workers, that sort of usual life he had. He now had to take his medication right in front of Luka, but the first two times he had done it, his head had hurt so badly he decided to start tricking her again, and stopped taking them. They were unbearable, it wasn't his fault!

Time passed by and he didn't hear from Dell. It upset him, even though he knew it was his own fault, and that Dell probably felt guilty about it anyway. He didn't know if he should, since technically, it _was _his fault, but he didn't really want him to actually think that, true as it was.

He sat in front of his computer, wondering on what to do. Should he send Dell a message? A text, maybe? Should he visit? No, that was dangerous. If he started living with Rook, which he didn't doubt, he'd probably trigger his own illness. The feeling of an iron burning through your internal organs wasn't exactly pleasant, and death was something he wanted to avoid. (if he didn't take the anti-stress and antacid meds, he at least took the antidepressants, as it did help a bit with stress.)

Besides, if he did come into contact with Dell, what would he say? Okay, no, why does he even want to contact Dell? The guy was happy, there was no need to ruin his life by pestering him.

He was pondering over it still when a knock brought him out of his thoughts. That happened a lot, it seemed.

He opened the door and froze to the eyes of a very, very angry Rook. Before he could say a word, Rook pushed him into his room and locked the door behind him, pausing to glare at him for a second before grabbing him by the collar.

"Dell told me what happened," He said, his eyes filled with hatred, "He claimed it was his fault. You upset him, do you have any idea how much you've hurt him? I won't forgive you. I won't ever forgive you."  
>He pushed Yuuma onto the floor and held him down with a foot on his stomach, pressing down hard enough on his scars to make Yuuma yelp.<br>He managed to push Rook's foot off with a lot of trouble, doubling over and coughing violently, but Rook ignored that and sat on his chest, forcing him to look at him.

"You listen to me well, Yuuma." he muttered, "Dell is mine. He's only mine. He's never belonged to anyone else, including you. If you upset him again, I swear to you I'll make you regret it."  
>He slowly let him go, got up and left him, leaving behind a troubled and overly stressed Yuuma.<p>

If Luka hadn't bothered to wonder what Rook was so furious about when he left, Yuuma would have died.

As soon as he woke up, he was scolded by his doctor and Luka, more severely than usual. He didn't bother wondering why, he was already stressed out as it was. Rook had scared him, and with that fear for himself came fear for Dell, as well. He hadn't shown that kind of behaviour towards him, had he? Was he dangerous for him? He didn't want to think about it. No...Dell loved Rook, and Rook had been like that because Yuuma had upset him. Had he cried? Dell cried? Unlikely. Dell didn't cry, that wasn't something he did. It was just so...unnatural to even think of Dell crying, it almost made him laugh, but when he felt pain in his stomach from the effort, he grew worried instead.

"It still hurts..." He mumbled to his doctor, "It usually doesn't..."

The doctor looked at him worriedly, then glanced at Luka, who nodded.

"It seems..." He said, "That it's much worse than before. I need to ask, have you forced something onto your scars, or has something heavy fallen onto them? We understand it might be difficult to express, but we must know."

Difficult to...did they think he did it himself?  
>"I didn't try to commit suicide, or anything of the sort." Yuuma exclaimed, "I just...I tried, well, moving my furniture around, and my cupboard fell on me. I didn't think it did any damage, so..."<p>

The doctor nodded, gave him his medication and told him to take it carefully from now on, as he was worried it might get worse.

Luka stayed behind, though, glaring at him suspiciously. "You liar."

Yuuma eyed her with innocence plastered all over his face, but Luka saw right through him.

"You liar. When I found you, the cupboard was where it has always been, and I didn't hear it fall. It was Rook, wasn't it? He hurt you like this? He could have killed you!"  
>Yuuma shook his head and apologised for lying, only to be scolded even more. He didn't care. Now, he had taken a decision that he wasn't counting on backtracking on.<p>

The biggest source of his stress was always evolving around Dell, so he had to get away from that source of stress. It was obvious, he felt so foolish for risking his life just so he could be near someone who would never love him back. It torn his heart to bits, but he had no other choice.

"I'm moving away." he murmured.

His voice had been full of indecision and doubt that he knew Luka would believe he was only thinking about it, but he was sure about this. He needed to go, maybe far, he didn't know, but he had to leave. He had to go!

He clutched the covers tightly, hesitating. If he did leave, he'd probably, most likely never see the person he loved again. Dammit, he just didn't know what to do...

He felt a hand on his and looked up to see Luka smiling at him. "It's for the best." She said gently. He lay his head on her shoulder, and, slowly, began to weep.

**I don't like how short this is, but I guess that since I've not been writing for a very long time, I'm going to just ease into writing longer. Big thanks to my good friend and evil doppelgänger Kelsey, or as Nerumi H here on FF. (Go check her stuff out!)**

**Okay, I know I liked AKAITO/Dell for a veeeery long time, but Yuuma/Dell is just so urgh, I just love it okay**

**I belong to the Dell-fucking-hates-himself league and i'm so, so proud**

**This will be a multi-chap. I've already planned out most of it, so I won't have much trouble continuing this.**


	2. Realisation

**A/N : Ignored canon Ruko and Ritsu's ages, sorry. They're just human in this fic, so it was necessary. Besides, I believe that apart from Dell, everyone is much older than in canon. Especially Ritsu...**

**Chapter two : Realisation**

Two years. It had been two years since it had all happened, since Yuuma had moved away. It didn't take long for him to find somewhere, to live, though it was a five hours' drive from his last town. Luka had outright refused to let him live alone, since she knew he wouldn't take his medication and would be vulnerable if anything happened, so he was assigned to live with an apprentice nurse she knew from her studies, Gumiya. He was kind and was a real worry-wart, but he never let it show. Yuuma liked him.  
>The one thing he didn't like was how he would make absolute certainty that Yuuma took his meds. Being only twenty-six himself, he knew how to emotionally bribe him into taking them.<p>

He often worried about Luka, though. She had been using Yuuma as a scapegoat to forget about her own lost child, and he didn't know what she had decided to do. She had told him not to fret, she was too old to continue being upset about something that happened over a year ago. He was still worried, until she told him that, besides, he wasn't supposed to be stressing out for others, and that her current boyfriend was taking good care of her. She helped him pack, promised to send the rest and shooed him off to his new home.

When he had arrived, Gumiya had welcomed him and had immediately taking him under his wing. He had made a full report on his illness and had sent it to the nearest hospital so that they could set up his alarm button. He fretted over him during during the process, fearing Yuuma would have an attack and not be able to call for help; but it ended up going smoothly. Liking his motherly ways and his honesty, Yuuma and he became close.

Months past, and Yuuma managed to slowly stop stressing out about Dell and his Rook. He still loved Dell, he couldn't help that. But not having to listen to his constant string of love declarations for someone else was nice. He didn't much want to admit it, but not having Dell in his life gave him space to breathe, especially since he started getting so...weird. He had been awfully nice just before he had left. Dell had claimed it was Rook who had asked him to be so, but was Dell someone who really changed that much, just like that?  
>It got him wondering. What was it that really made him change so much? It wasn't Rook. There was no way Dell would change for someone else. Was it affection? Had Dell realised what an asshole Rook was and started falling for him?<p>

He blushed at the thought. Dell! Loving him! It was such a hopeful thing to think. He smiled to himself and cradled his sketchbook, pen hanging from his mouth.  
>He loved that thought. Even after an entire year had passed, he held onto it as if it were what was keeping him alive. Dell might have grown to have loved him...maybe!<br>It gave him a new light in a road erased in obscurity. He had always been someone who saw nothing, but now, Dell, his one light...it had started to shine. It was only then that he realised just how much he was in love with him. All that "from the bottom of my heart" sap was rubbish, love _hurt._ It was unbearable how much pain his heart was in. Every time he thought of Dell's smile, he felt like he was pierced through and through, making him a mess. It made him so happy, though, to have finally found something...something he found was worth living for. Not for Dell himself, more for the affection he held for him. This feeling he had, it made him angry and sad. It drove him nuts how much he wanted to hold him.  
>Gumiya had noticed his newly chirpy attitude and associated it with getting away from the source of his stress. Shame it was the very opposite. To make sure he didn't drown in his own despair, Yuuma decided to brave the migraines and start properly taking his god-forbidden medication. He started to feel a little more free and felt like he could actually <em>enjoy <em>things instead of just suffering going through them. He liked that...

But, obviously, all happiness was balanced by the same amount of despair on the other side of the balance. Though he properly took his medication, the effects only lasted a year. It was the present now, the proper two years since he had left, and he was aware of his tumbling health. He didn't tell Gumiya, he couldn't. He would worry and send him to the hospital, and he hated going. But, to keep that happiness he had achieved, he would have to brave the hospital .With the new will to live he had found, he didn't want to give it all up and die because of his stubbornness.  
>He decided to talk to Gumiya about it anyway.<br>He told him he felt the medication's effect started having less effect, and as he had suspected, Gumiya immediately panicked and took him straight to the hospital, where they checked and double checked everything the could, even going up to taking blood samples, and finally, after two hours of waiting and moving around, they told him it was nothing to worry about. It turned out he had been taking too much to begin with, and had developed a small intolerance to one of the meds he had to take, but there was a replacement, and he was sent home with a prescription and a promise for news of the blood tests.

Gumiya, though it was a big fright over nothing, had cradled Yuuma the entire evening, letting him chose to make his favourite food and bringing him tea and snacks when he was working. He had stayed a while watching him at the door that Yuuma pretended he didn't notice, but it struck him as strange nonetheless. What was he being so nice for? Gumiya was generally nice, and generosity was his best trait, but he was also level-headed and down-to-earth, someone who put bad things behind him immediately. The normal Gumiya would be over the whole incident by the very second it ended, so why...?

Curiosity getting the best of him, he saved his work and headed to the living room where Gumiya was studying, lying back on the couch lazily, half-reading, half-asleep.

"It's bad for your eyes to read when you can hardly focus on what you're reading." Yuuma mumbled, plucking the papers out of his hands.  
>Gumiya sat up with a smile and took of his glasses to rub his eyes, yawning.<p>

Yuuma smiled at him and looked through the papers curiously. Something caught his eye and he pulled the sheet out, seeing the name of his own illness at the top of the page.  
>"Why are you reading about this?" he asked, "Is this in your course?"<br>Gumiya blushed and took the papers back, put them in a pile and put them neatly into a folder that he placed in his bag. "It's just something I'm doing on the side, really..."  
>Seeing that Yuuma was expecting more, he continued rather bashfully. "I, well, decided I wanted to study it more. I want to find a definitive cure for it...for you."<br>Yuuma felt a lump in his throat. For him? But...  
>"Why? You want to be a neurophysiologist! I don't think it falls under your speciality. If you're doing this out of pity for me, I really don't need it, Gumi."<br>"I'm not doing it out of pity!" Gumiya retorted, "I hate to see you in pain, and I know you've never had an attack whilst you were here, but I know it hurts you and I...and I don't want to see you suffer like this. And when I think that, I think how hard it must be for families seeing their loved one suffer because of this illness, and it just..."  
>His voice strangled into silence, his hands clutching his jeans. "I want to be able to help you, is all..."<p>

Yuuma swallowed the lump in his throat and hovered his hand over Gumiya's only to take it back an cradle his own.  
>Shit. What was he supposed to say? He felt incredibly moved and he was overflowing with gratitude, but an alarm had started ringing in his head and he knew exactly what it meant. Did Gumiya love him? Was he in love with him? Shit, this couldn't be happening! Of all things he needed, it was to stress over someone who could potentially like him. He didn't know, he wasn't sure, but Gumiya had been acting so affectionate lately that he didn't really know where to place him. Gumiya was his a good friend, he didn't want to lose him. Making a mistake now would be...<p>

"Yuuma?"  
>He looked up.<br>Gumiya was smiling at him curiously, knocking lightly on his head with his hand. "You okay?"  
>Yuuma smiled at him and got up and told him he was going to get tea, his heart pounding and his head a confused mess.<p>

He loved Dell. He couldn't love someone else.  
>He made the tea, brought some to Gumiya, told him not to study too long in which he was told not to work for too long, and he exiled into his room and let himself fall onto his chair with a deep sigh.<br>He checked the clock...it was midnight. He needed to talk. The first person who came to mind was his best friend, the elder sister of that putrid Rook. Ruko was like a sister to him, while he thought about it. She had been busy so they didn't have much time to talk, her having a kid and a job to boot. But since he had moved, Ritsu had managed to get a promotion, and their lives were a little easier, so Ruko had more time to talk.

They chatted nearly every night, they had known each other for six years, and they might have been the definition of platonic love.

When she picked up, she lectured him on waking children, but it was all in her usual, snarky tone. "How's the little imp?" Yuuma asked, getting ready to let everything go the moment she asked how he went.

"A charm," She said, "Hasn't yet picked up the piano...Ritsu says we should lay off the "newborn prodigy" route. I'm feeling it though! How's Luka? How's the pregnancy?"  
>Yuuma smiled. About a year after he left, Luka had found the love of her life. Yuuma had told her she couldn't know that till her life passed, and she told him that he was her entire life, and that was enough explanation from her. It took a while for her to be completely convinced he was ready to always be there for her, and when he asked to found a family, she was more than happy to. She had obviously been deathly worried about losing her baby a second time, but with her boyfriend there for her unlike her idiot ex-husband, she felt safe.<p>

"It's going well." Yuuma told Ruko, "She wants to name it what she was going to name the first, and her man agreed. I think his name was Mikuo, or something. He sounded nice."  
>There was a pause before Ruko's obvious question popped. "And you...how are you?"<p>

It's really all it took.  
>Yuuma spilled everything, all his worries and all his secrets, everything from his newfound will to live to his worry about Gumiya's affection.<br>"What should I do?" he asked, "Dell doesn't love me, or, at least, I don't know. I don't know if I can give that up for, well...for Gumiya..."  
>"You little dummy." Ruko laughed, "The obvious is that you do what feels right. I know it's not saying much and sounds a little cliché, but it's true. You can't get your head in a bunch for someone you don't like, Yuuma. You're not in love with Gumiya, are you? Then, why are you hesitating to say no? You have to put your foot down eventually. Do you love Dell, yes or no? You wouldn't be hesitating so much if you knew yourself. Sleep on it, Yuu."<p>

He did. She had managed to place doubt in his heart, but it was better that way, it gave him time to decided what was right for him.

Continuing to love Dell would only hurt him more, yet loving Gumiya...  
><em>Love isn't something I can just decide, though...<em>he thought, _I can't just decided whom I want to love, it just happens._

Tossing and turning on that fact, he slept through a dreamless night.

The next day he woke up much before his alarm went off, he dragged his feet into the living room, where Gumiya had fallen asleep on the couch, a habit Yuuma was used to seeing. He fetched a blanket from a cupboard and tossed it onto the sleeping one, pondering on whether to wake him for breakfast or laugh at his being late. Feeling frustrated after his lack of actual sleep, he chose the latter.

He went to make breakfast, another habit he was coerced into, thanks to Luka. He had little time to eat during the day because of the amount of work he faced, or felt like it was only a hindrance. Luka used to make him eat twice as much during dinner to make up for it, but as Gumiya wasn't around at that time, he made him have an actual breakfast, and a large one at that. Yuuma had never really bothered with breakfast before, but he found eating on the balcony and watching the sun come up in winter was pleasurable, despite the cold.

He put on a coat over his jim-jams and mumbled as he ate, trying to enjoy the aurora but too tired to actually care.

He heard Gumiya grumble about a backache as he woke, fumbling around for a watch of some sort. He got up and joined Yuuma on the balcony without a word, stealing pieces of food off of his plate, a ritual of silence they both enjoyed.

Eventually the time came to leave and Yuuma gave Gumiya a smile before going to his room to get changed, pack his stuff and leave.

It was a busy day, there were new products going on the market and he had a deadline to fix by the end of the month. As vice-manager of the Packaging Department of the company, he was always busy (though there were only three employed in that department). It was a new project, so obviously it was going to stress him out more than anything. The desks of his coworkers and he were all joined for better communication, which was essential for that line of work. He liked it since he could also joke around with the others, it was a good stress-relief for them all.

At lunch he called Ruko to let her know of his new idea. Basically, in the end, he needed to see Dell again. He needed to make a new start on this all, and talking to him would help him choose. Ruko told him that she had seen him with Rook, and he seemed a lot less angry than he usually was. Apparently, whatever Rook was doing, it soothed Dell...or at least, for what she knew. She didn't see him much since Yuuma had left.

Yuuma found that a little strange...after all, Dell liked the woman and though he was a grumpy old man, he liked children and had always fussed over her child.

They talked until it was time for him to get back to work, and she promised she would say hi to Dell for him when she had the chance.

The hours passed slowly, as per usual, but when he got home, he could tell by the tone Gumiya had on the little note on the table he left Yuuma that things weren't going to stay so cheerful.

He smiled at the note at first, wondering what Gumiya could have needed to say whilst on lunch break. The hospital was only five minutes away, so he would eat at home.

He picked up the note, put his bag down and read.

"Yuu, someone called last week. They said they couldn't leave their name, but that you would probably guess who it was. All they said was that they needed to speak to you and that they needed to talk to you. I tried getting the name since obviouslly it's hard calling someone with no name and no number, but they hung up. I'm sorry, Yuuma, I should have told you earlier, but I didn't know how to put it. I thought it was a prank, but it might be serious and I should have told you instead of keeping it to myself."

Who had called? Yuuma was completely clueless. Luka wouldn't do something so drastic, He had been calling Ruko during lunch, and Dell and Rook didn't know the number. He sat back, pondering the question. Why, when he thought of it, did Gumiya not tell him? Concern?

when he received a call.

"Yuuma!" She sounded frantic, "Oh Yuuma, Dell came round about a month ago, I've never heard him act so...strangely. He wanted your number, and by now he should have called you. I'm sorry for not calling before, I've been so busy. So...did he call? Is he okay? What happened?"  
>Yuuma was hardly listening.<br>What was up with Dell? Where was he? Why did he call?  
>He asked her how she considered he was acting strangely, and she didn't skip a beat.<p>

"It was obvious he's changed very much, but, well, I can't really place it. He kind of seemed...far away. Like he wasn't really there. Kind of...kind of the way I was acting after I met Gakupo. You remember?"  
>"Yeah...what do you mean? You were like that because of...well, what happened. You lost something important after all. I doubt Dell's gone through the same-"<br>"Idiot! That's not what I mean!"  
>Yuuma was taken aback. She had never raised her voice like that, not towards him. It made him feel weird. So that's what it was like being scolded by a mother, huh?<p>

He let Luka continue, but there was only silence on the line. He waited, thinking she had hung up, but he heard her draw a breath and sigh deeply.  
>"I didn't lose my baby because of stress, Yuuma..." she explained slowly, "I lost my baby because of trauma to my stomach when I was pregnant. I lied about my ex-husband's behaviour, too. He wasn't...I didn't leave him just because I considered him stupid."<p>

Yuuma started to catch on on her implications.

"You...he beat you? You lost your baby because he beat you?"

He was outraged! That something like that would have happened when he had been near her the whole time...!

He didn't know what to say, and neither did she. She hadn't called just for that, but the memories hurt so much that she instinctively brought a hand to her stomach. Her current boyfriend was kindly and attentionate, nothing like Gakupo had been. That was why...she needed to help. She had to.

"Yuuma," she continued, "I don't really think this is exactly it, but I think Rook is abusing Dell. I don't think he's being beaten, since when he came it was hot and he was wearing a tee-shirt and there were no...oh, Yuuma, I'm so sorry."

Even two days after the call, Yuuma still had no idea what to think. Dell was being hurt by the person he loved...  
>Whenever he thought about it, his anger and outrage grew. How could he? How could Rook hurt Dell if he claimed to love him?<br>He checked himself. Hurt was a poor word. He had noticed Dell had seemed a little off before a few days after he started dating Rook. Luka had said abuse...what did that mean? If he wasn't hurting Dell, what was Rook doing to have him change so badly?  
>He needed to find Dell. He had to...<br>When he picked up the phone, he hesitated. What if Rook answered? Would he get angry with Dell?  
>He had no reason to, but it still made him hesitate to make the call. He could remember how cold Rook's eyes were when he had asked him if he had slept with Dell, and to think of that coldness being targeted towards Dell, he just...<p>

He didn't tell Ruko any of it. She would worry and cause a fuss and probably hurt Dell in the process.

Maybe...  
>He grabbed Gumiya before he headed out to work in the afternoon, and when he saw the look on Yuuma's face, he took the afternoon off.<p>

"So?" He asked, sitting cross-legged with Yuuma on the couch, "Tell me everything."  
>He did. He told him he had no idea what to do now, no idea whom to turn to, and that it was driving him nuts...<br>"You need to calm down, level your head," Gumiya said firmly, "You're not supposed to be stressing out too much, so keep your cool. I know it's hard, but try, please. I think you should meet up with your friend and asses the situation. He needs to leave his boyfriend and he needs to be put in a safe place. We have an extra mattress, he can stay here for a while. As for calling him, try the home phone instead of a mobile."  
>Yuuma didn't know how to thank him, so he just hugged him silently, happy when the hug was returned.<p>

He went to pick up the phone and composed Dell and Rook's apartment number, Gumiya watching closely.

The phone rang for a while, Yuuma's heart pounding so hard it hurt. When it picked up he drew a breath, and it was only when he heard the small voice that answered that he exhaled.  
>"Dell...? It's Yuuma. Is Rook home?" he asked. It was best to know right away, he didn't exactly know what Rook would do if Dell used the phone, or whatever, he had heard abusive partners gave no liberty.<p>

Dell stayed silent on the end of the line for a while, the small sound of a running tap in the background.

"He's out." He mumbled, "What do you want?"

Yuuma's heart broke.  
>"I, well, with the call-" Gumiya had put his hand on his shoulder and had shook his head, telling him not to talk of the call. If Rook wasn't there, the phone was probably going to be monitored. Yuuma cleared his throat. "I'd like you to come visit, can you? I mean, It's been a while."<p>

Silence.

It was a long silence, it seemed to go on for so much time that Yuuma's worry only increased at every passing second. What was going on over there? Did Dell need Rook's agreement? That made him sick. Who did he think he is?

When he heard Dell start to talk, he got pulled out of his reverie.  
>"I don't know. I don't know...I'll see. What's the address?"<p>

He _wasn't allowed. _It made Yuuma even more sick, despite Gumiya's silent encouragements. He told him the address, and they decided to meet the next day at a café, if he could come.

The rest of the day, Yuuma and Gumiya set up the mattress in Yuuma's room, talked and searched online for appropriate ways to talk to abuse victims.  
>All of it drove Yuuma to throw up later in the evening. He was so sick of it, it drove him mad. Why? Why would Rook do those horrible things if he loved Dell? It made so little sense to him, he just didn't understand.<p>

That night, he couldn't find sleep.

Gumiya went off to work earlier than usual, but had prepared breakfast and a small note for Yuuma. "Be strong" it said.  
>He didn't know if he could. When he saw Dell, he'd probably break down right there and then. What kind of horrors did he suffer...? He knew not to ask.<br>The time went by at a painfully slow pace. He had called in sick earlier, and due to his good work and the fact that he sounded awful, they let him have the day off. As it was friday, that meant he had the weekend to look after Dell. He wasn't sure how long he had planned to stay...if he wanted to at all. Yuuma'd insist he do, though. There was no way he was going to let Dell go straight back to his abuser.

But, it was true that Luka was uncertain. Maybe...maybe she had seen wrong? That thought lifted his heart a little, and he felt a little more hopeful than before. But the phone call...

When the time came, he headed out to the café. It was a sweet little thing that had just opened, but Yuuma found they had the best Millefeuille in the country and was ready to fight anyone who said otherwise. Dell liked sweet stuff, that's why he decided to meet him there.

He opened the door and greeted the man behind the counter, someone who had grown fond of, but found a little strange. He was jovial and generally someone who made others happy, but he had the strangest interests...

He bought two millefeuille and went to sit at a table outside, the sun still high and warm. When he was finally comfortable, he spotted him.

He obviously looked nervous and looked closed up, his head low with his hair covering his eyes.  
>It was Dell.<p>

But it wasn't Dell.

He shook his head when Yuuma was going to get up to greet him, and he sat in front of him. He gladly accepted the cake, but he still said little. At least that was normal. Dell had never really been one to talk when there was no need to. A trait that he found in Gumiya, too.

Yuuma saw he had taken no luggage, nothing to indicate he wished to stay. It was warm, too, but he was wearing a long-sleeved top.

A weight crushed Yuuma's previous lightheartedness. What was he expecting?  
>"So, you're..." he tried, "You're still dating Rook, huh."<br>"He's a good person."

Yuuma winced. He had said that mechanically, as if he had had to say it many times before. He tried to get him to continue, but Dell was lost in silence.

"It...there were three weeks between you getting my number and you actually calling, why is that?"  
>Silence.<br>"Did you not call because Rook was monitoring your phone?"  
>"Don't."<p>

It was said flatly, but Yuuma could easily hear the plea behind it.  
>"I will." Yuuma went on, "He's hurting you, isn't he? He's abusing you!"<br>Dell shook his head violently and grabbed Yuuma's hand that lay on the table, squeezing it.  
>"Yuuma, please don't..."<br>"He _is. _You're not even denying it, Dell. Just stay here, you don't have to go back there, you don't have to go back to him. There's nothing stopping you from getting away."  
>Dell was shaking. Yuuma had only realised it, but Dell had grown really, really pale over time. He was much thinner than before, as well. Had he been eating properly? Was he not allowed to? The more he thought of what could have happened, the more Yuuma's regret grew. He should have done something, he should have done anything...if he had insisted Rook was a bad person, this never would have happened...<p>

He took hold of Dell's shaking hand and squeezed back, waiting for him to settle down a little more.

Now, he hesitated to talk. Whatever he said concerning Rook would probably set him off again, but...was there really any other thing to be worried about?

"Why did you try calling me, the other day?" he asked gently, "What did you want to talk about?"

Dell opened his mouth but closed it again, thinking.

"I...it's nothing. I thought I needed...but it's okay. Really, he promised not to-"

"He hit you?"

Dell frowned and look directly into Yuuma's eyes before looking away and taking his hands off of Yuuma's so as to rub the back of his neck.

"It wasn't on purpose, okay?" He said, "He was tired and stressed and I tried arguing with him and it just...it just happened. But he didn't mean it!"

Yuuma scoffed. Rook had damn well mean it. Dell must have known that too.

"Why are you even defending him?" he sneered, "He didn't mean to do this multiple times, didn't he? When we were on the phone yesterday, you had to ask for permission, didn't you? No more hiding. Tell me..."

Dell huffed and played with his cake with the end of his spoon.

"He wasn't there. I didn't...I didn't tell him I came here." He said, "My relationship with Rook is none of your concern."  
>"Leave him."<p>

Dell looked up at him.  
>"I can't."<br>"Why?"  
>"I can't."<p>

Yuuma sighed and sat back in his chair, looking straight into Dell's eyes for an answer. He took out a piece of paper, scribbled his mobile onto it and handed it to Dell, who took it without questioning him.

"I just need you to be there." Dell mumbled, "If you really...want to help me."

Yuuma could feel his heart break piece by piece, but he couldn't say anything. He nodded, asked if Dell was going to stay, be he refused. Yuuma insisted, but Dell simply told him that he didn't want to spent too much time away from Rook. When Yuuma continued insisting, nearly going so far as to start pleading, he accepted to stay, but only a night and one night only.

Yuuma sighed. They finished their cakes, left a tip and left, talking about anything that wasn't Rook and his relationship with Dell. It was easy, as there was lots of things Dell didn't know about Yuuma.  
>Dell listened more than he talked, and it wasn't long before Yuuma noticed he had a small limp, hardly noticeable, but it bugged him. Not wanting to bring it up, he left it alone till they arrived, and Dell went to take a bath.<p>

"I'm sure it's bad," Yuuma told Gumiya, "If it's so bad he's limping, no matter how slight it is..."  
>Gumiya nodded. "You have to know how bad it is. If it's really bad, we can maybe file a report..."<p>

Yuuma smiled at him and gave him a hug. He had no idea what he would have done without him. He had been wrong to have worried about such trivial things.

When Dell came out of the bath, Yuuma took one himself, and then they had dinner. They actually had a good time, to Yuuma's surprise. When he wasn't talking...or thinking...about the abuse, he was his old snappy self. It made Yuuma wonder, actually.

Dell was tired from the traveling, so he bid the other two goodnight.  
>When the were finally alone, Gumiya caught Yuuma's attention.<br>"It's a cycle," He explained, "The abuser will have two attitudes in the cycle; the abusive partner and the retribution. During the abuse, the victim gets punished for little things, patronised for the smallest little details, making him want to do everything to please the abuser. They get roughhoused, hit, tortured...it can go on. But then, the abuser will suddenly change a whole 360 on the attitude he adopts. The abuser buys gifts, acts like a prince, the whole shebang. It's once the abuser feels like they're losing control that the cycle restarts..."

He finished washing up the dishes and thought.

"If Dell was allowed to call and had the courage to come here without Rook's permission, as you said, then they should be in the second part of the cycle...but by disappearing so suddenly, you might have unwillingly make Rook feel like he was losing control over Dell. When he goes home, get someone to watch over him. Rook will get violent."

Yuuma didn't like it a single bit.  
>He slipped into his room and caught Dell looking at his stomach worriedly, but the shirt he was given as pyjamas went down as soon as he realised Yuuma was there.<br>He didn't take any of it.  
>"Let me see," he said, "If it's serious, we-"<br>"It's not."  
>"Dell, please."<br>"It's not!"

He insisted for an hour, but Dell wouldn't give in. He sighed and left him alone, slipping into his own bed. He was asleep within minutes.

The next morning, when he woke up, Yuuma decided to see anyway. He just had to make sure it was nothing too severe.  
>But when he saw Dell's shirt pushed up from his movement during the night, he didn't even need to move the shirt.<p>

From where he was, he could see the horrifying sight of multiple bruises, some much older than others, and one large incredibly recent burn that made Yuuma want to throw up.

Dell had been branded.

**A/N: there we go! I intended on finishing this sooner, but I fell ill and I'm a lot more busy than I originally thought. From a certain point it starts getting a bit rushed, I apologise, but I wanted to have this chapter out of my system.**

**I don't have much to say. This was originally going to be shorter, but it would end up being too short, so eeeeeeh.**

**See you next chapter!**


	3. Safety

**A/N: I have literally no excuse for posting this this late  
>Reviews really encourage me to write! <strong>

He held back a yell. Branded? Dell? Like some vulgar farm animal? Not that. Anything but that...the emotions that surged through him right there and then were enough to make him throw up and he clutched his arm and cradled it, as if he were the one who needed consoling.  
>He quietly pulled the cover over him and stepped out, closing the door behind him and sighing deeply. Gumiya was already up and noted in alarm his expression, pulling him to the balcony to talk. When Yuuma told him, he held a hand to his mouth.<br>"Who would do something so cruel?" He nearly yelled, "It must have hurt so much...shit, sorry, I shouldn't be saying that."

Yuuma shook his head. They talked a while more before Dell walked in, yawning.  
>"You can sleep more, you know," Yuuma told him with a smile, "You can also stay the whole day and leave in the evening."<br>Dell leaned against the door frame and watched them, wondering if they were a couple or just friends. They seemed to get along well. Must be nice.  
>"I need to go," he said quietly, "I think it's best if I leave early, Rook will worry."<br>Yuuma frowned. He didn't doubt Rook would worry, but probably not because Dell wasn't home- shit, he couldn't let him go back there so quickly.  
>He sat him down and all three of them had breakfast, Dell reverting back to his usual self, if not for a moment. Hell, he even <em>grinned <em>when Gumiya pulled some dumb joke Yuuma was too preoccupied to listen to. He was glad he still had some strength.

It somehow proved him wrong, in a way. He had thought Dell to be weak, but he had shown he was a lot stronger than Yuuma believed he could be. It made him feel bad. After all, he had labelled Dell as frail and weak when he himself would have died without a few hours if it had happened to him.

Remembering his illness made him frown. He didn't want to be selfish, he didn't want to sound like he was blaming Dell, but this situation really made him feel worse. He had felt fine before he had started thinking about Dell again...  
>But no, he didn't want to come to any conclusion where Dell was at fault somehow. It wasn't his fault, he wasn't doing anything wrong, it's just that Yuuma couldn't take it!<p>

When he saw Dell smile again, he calmed down a little. He knew that Dell would probably be too scared to enter another relationship now, he understood that. But he didn't even care much about his love for him any more. Keeping Dell safe was what was important, not his fantasies, and he wouldn't be able to die happy if Dell wasn't and was still under the grip of that bastard.  
>Holding a hand to his stomach, he thought deeply for a while, not noticing the other two were looking at him worriedly.<br>"You okay?" Gumiya asked, tense. "You're not having an attack, are you?"  
>When he shook his head the man relaxed, but Dell was even more on his toes.<br>"Shit, have you still been having those?" he asked worriedly, "Probably my fault, I'm guessing. I should go, sorry."  
>Gumiya took his arm and held him down as to not let him leave, telling him to give Yuuma the time to give him an answer at least.<br>He didn't know what to say, and if there was anything he could say anyway. Dell knew he was right, so did Gumiya. So did Yuuma. So did anyone who knew them.  
>"I'm sick," he said, "It's not your fault."<br>Dell pulled a strange face, refusing to accept that that was all. He still let it go, just to please him.

Checking his watch, Gumiya hurried to finish his breakfast and bid the two goodbye, pausing at the door to glance at Yuuma with a look he knew too well. He had something up his sleeve...

"I'm going to take a shower," He told Dell as he picked up their empty dishes, "Take your time, man. There's no rush, really."  
>He nodded and contemplated the buildings in front, obscuring most but not all of the lake set behind them.<br>It wasn't a very quiet place. Yuuma and Gumiya had had the chance to at least live in a two-bedroom flat, with the money they had, it was a luxury. It was six stories high and was set in a block of multiple apartments not too far from the riverside, but also directly at the foot of the train station.  
>Dell watched a train pass by, deeply in thought. Deciding it was best to leave him be for a bit he stalked back inside with his tray and caught eye with Gumiya just as he was about to leave.<br>"What are you gonna do?" he asked, "No point hiding anything from me, I know you by now."  
>The student grumbled and readjusted his satchel onto his shoulder, and crossed his arms.<br>"I'm going to visit the Psychiatric ward of the hospital," he said, "It's all good getting help online, but I want to see what's really the best course of action directly with a professional."

Yuuma nodded.  
>"You're an incredible friend, Gumi, but he won't like it."<br>Gumiya gave him a smile, "He won't. Just keep him here till I get home?"

He said he'd try but that he didn't promise anything concrete. He wished him a good day and went to let the dishes sock, then hopped into the shower.

As the water ran, he couldn't help but think about Dell sleeping soundly next to him. Even now he couldn't even imagine how many months it had been since the guy had been able to get a decent night's sleep. He wasn't eating properly, either, and those damned burns –!

Striking pain hit his gut and he doubled over, holding himself to the wall and cough violently, gasping for air. He turned the jet to cold to make the heat more bearable and breathed slowly, making his mind blank.  
>No more, no more thinking about it for now!<p>

"You okay in there?" came his panicked voice through the door.

Yuuma stayed silent for a while, but called out that he was fine as to not worry him.  
>He wasn't.<p>

He stepped out, got dressed and staggered out of the bathroom, assuring to him he was okay.  
>"I'm fine, I might have let myself get a little stressed out, is all."<br>Dell didn't buy it, so he ordered him to put on a coat as he got dressed himself, then he marched him down into the elevator and out of the building.

He bitched and groaned for half an hour as he led the confused Yuuma into town, who only took the lead when Dell got lost.  
>"You need to chill, Yuu." he said, "Take your mind off of things."<p>

He agreed.

They walked for a long time, chatting as much as Dell would let him without started to complain, and Yuuma had to admit he was a lot more stressed than he took on.  
>Most of what they did was look around for Christmas presents, since the time for sales was drawing near. They talked about Ruko and Luka, and the up-and-coming kid. He even told him more about his life that he didn't usually tell many people. Ruko was his dearest friend, but having other friends you can talk to was a nice feeling. Gumiya and Dell...he liked having them around.<p>

He told him about how he had wanted to do something in arts, something he had loved for an extremely long time. Not having the level to enter a traditional art school, he opted for graphic arts instead. He hadn't hated it, the work still stayed creative even if it didn't let him draw. He continued to babble on about many things most people wouldn't care much about, like the company he worked for or what he did exactly. No matter how many words spilled out of his mouth, Dell had a face that said he was listening to his every word. It was a nice feeling, having someone that listened.  
>Fuck, any more sappiness and he'd end up getting upset.<p>

Seeing a roasted chestnut stand he wheeled the older one into its direction and got a bag of them, snorting when he saw Dell's face.  
>He plucked one out and held it to his mouth, expecting him to eat it.<p>

"Eat it," he insisted.  
>"It smells like Satan's anal beads."<br>"Eat it, moron!"

Dell huffed and bit into it, growing red when he realised he liked the taste a lot more than he wanted to let on.

Yuuma grinned as he ate one himself.

"Satan's anal beads?"  
>"Shut up!"<p>

Yuuma laughed so hard he had to stop to catch his breath, and the smile on Dell's lips only made him laugh harder.  
>"Hearing your laugh is a luxury," Dell said once he had calmed down, "You hardly even smile anymore. It's kind of depressing, you know."<br>Yuuma answered with a wide grin and he ate another chestnut, offering one to him, that he gladly accepted.

"It's not like I don't want to smile or laugh," he said, "I've been under a lot of pressure, and it's mainly pressure I put on myself. I've been incredibly tired as of late, and I just...have no energy at all."

Dell scoffed.  
>"Seeing as your throw up most of your blood, I wouldn't be surprised if you were a little anaemic. You have to get a lot of rest and eat well." <p>

Yuuma smiled and said he would, and that they should get some food whilst they were at it, too. Confused by the early lunch but not protesting against it, Dell let the younger one offer him a meal.

It was mostly because Yuuma was concerned. If he let Dell go before having lunch, he'd probably not eat for a while and he didn't want to let him go on an empty stomach. They chose a nice though cheap café and had a big lunch that ended with Dell exposing his obvious sweet tooth with a cake. A Carac, a swiss speciality made with chocolate fondant.

Yuuma used them as an opportunity to tell him something he had heavy on his heart. If Dell were to understand anything, it would be when something explained with cakes.

"Most of the time, we don't show who we really are," he said, picking up the Carac, "Like this cake. The top is bright green and the bottom is soft and shaped like a pie crust. No one can tell what's inside until it's eaten or someone else tells you what's inside."  
>He took a bit out of it despite Dell's protesting, and he looked at him curiously when he was shown the fondant inside the cake.<br>"See? I would have thought it was lime pie, but it's chocolate and, um...some kind of liquor..."  
>"Kirsch."<br>"Right. What I mean is that – dammit, Dell, people can't read minds! I want you to tell me what's going on inside your head. You're silent and making yourself small and I don't like it, it's too weird seeing you like that!"

Dell shook his head and told him to calm down.  
>"Is that what's been making you have these attacks?" he said quietly, "You worrying about how I'm doing? I'm touched, but I don't need it."<p>

"You don't need it? Dell, he burned-"  
>He held his breath as Dell snapped back up to stare at him, wide-eyed, gripping the edge of the table because of how hard he was shaking.<br>"You looked!" He half-yelled, "You looked even when I told you not to!"  
>"No I just...I just saw, okay? Quiet down, people are staring..."<br>"I can't believe you!"

He got up and left, leaving the red Yuuma alone to deal with the other customers looking up at him curiously.

"He left?"  
>"No, I turned him into a newt and returned him to the swamp where he came from. Of course he left!"<p>

Gumiya sighed and poured him some tea, turning the papers he had gotten from the psych ward in his hands.  
>"I think you should go see him," he said carefully, putting the documents down, "Rook is probably really upset, he's probably giving him hell now as it is."<p>

He didn't respond.

Dell hated him now, he wouldn't want to see him, probably never again, too. Strangely, it didn't make him as sad as he thought it would. Actually, he felt more tired than he had ever been. He went to bed early that night, not letting Gumiya fret over him like he usually let him.

There was a searing pain in his head and all his movements felt slow, and all he wanted to do was sleep...

The next day, he felt worse. He struggled to his feet (how did he fall on the floor?) and realised he was still fully clothed. _Maybe I'm just a lot more tired than I was, huh? _He dismissed it and went to check the time, groaning when he saw he had slept for a whole day. Five already! Damn. He rubbed his eyes and went into the living room, surprised when he didn't see Gumiya. He always finished early these days.  
>He pushed it aside and caught sight of the phone, and his mind started to wander. Call Dell? Say sorry? But he didn't really have anything to say sorry for...<p>

Taking a quick shower and taking a pill for his headache, he quickly shoved a notebook in his bag and headed out.  
>He didn't know what he was thinking, but he had to do it. He had to!<br>He felt nervous about taking his car because of how exhausted he was, but he didn't want to take longer by taking public transport. He didn't even bother leaving a note for Gumiya, he _had to go_.

By the time he arrived, he was so tired he could hardly keep focus. He marched up to the door and rang the bell, holding his head.  
>When Rook opened the door, his breath hitched. He growled something Yuuma didn't understand and he pushed him aside without bothering to talk to him, not hearing his insults and protest.<p>

"What do you want? Dell isn't here!"  
>Yuuma stopped in his tracks and stared him down, and the glare was so strong even Rook had to back up a little by instinct.<p>

"What did you say?" he asked slowly.  
>"Dell..." he stuttered, "Dell isn't here, alright? He left me. Isn't that what you wanted? He's gone now, and if he wasn't with you, then he's disappeared and it's your fault!"<br>He shrieked when Yuuma grabbed him by the collar, confused when he let go immediately.  
>"You fucking liar."<p>

Rook didn't say a word. When Yuuma pushed into the house, calling for Dell.  
>When he found him, he nearly cried.<p>

Hardly concious, beaten, bloody and cuffed to a radiator...Gumiya was right when he said Dell was probably going through hell.

He walked up to him and pulled on the cuffs, feeling the tears as he blinked hard to see clearly. He pulled harder and tried to slip his fingers under the cuff and shimmy it open, hoping it was low quality plastic.

It was metal.  
>Yuuma rushed up and searched for Rook, yelling his name throughout the house.<br>"You coward!" He yelled, "You beat him up because he's weaker than you, but as soon as I show up you start running? You're pathetic! Give me the key!"

He grit his teeth when no answer came and he ran back to Dell, finding him fully awake. He knelled next to him and tried to break them open again, using all the strength his headache would let him use.  
>"I can't..." he struggled, "I can't open it, I can't do it..."<br>Dell stayed silent, watching him pull on the cuffs, the bags under his eyes and the tears brimming them telling him just how difficult it was.

Yuuma swallowed and looked around the room for a key looking through drawers, for anything, _**anything**_ that could get him out of there.  
>"He took it." Dell said, his voice small and hardly audible, "The key. There's no spares, either, so..."<br>Yuuma dropped to floor and held his head in his hands, unable to think. What could he do? What could he-

He thought hard and finally stood up to go open doors, found the bathroom and picked up the soap, wet it and sat by Dell's side.  
>"This is going to hurt," he said.<br>Dell felt a pang of fear engulf him and he sat up straight, trying to get his wrists away from Yuuma. "What is? What are you doing with that?"

"I'm going to break the bone in your thumb, that way we can get the cuff off. At least it's not both hands, but-"  
>"What? Break my what?"<p>

Yuuma looked at him sadly and showed him his hand. "Here," he said, "By breaking this, we can get it off. Okay?"

Dell was reluctant, but he stayed silent when Yuuma soaped up his hand and started to pull. Dell groaned and bit his lip so hard it bled, but he didn't let out more than a small whimper. Once Yuuma got through most of what he could, he grabbed Dell's hand tightly and pulled at the cuff, his other hand gripped tightly on his vest, his groans becoming cries, to finally become screams of pain.

Yuuma couldn't bear to hear him, but he couldn't stop. He pulled and pulled till finally the cuff fell and Dell gripped his now-free hand against his chest, sobbing at the pain he had gone through.  
>"T-Thank you..." he mumbled to Yuuma, "I-I'm sorry...!"<p>

Yuuma held him close and closed his eyes, then just before he got up, Dell stopped him.

"...you." he whispered.

Yuuma caught his eye and stared at him curiously.  
>"I like you, Yuuma. I..." he choked back a sob, "It's...I'll..."<p>

Yuuma helped him up and smiled at him, kissed his cheek and carefully led him outside to his car.

"So do I." he said shyly. He opened the door for him and got in the driver's seat, turned the ignition and drove off.  
>There was a comfortable silence between them. One where you had nothing to say, but that nothing was needed to be said. But with the tiny smile Dell had on his lips, he new that there was nothing more that he could say.<br>They drove on for two hours, stopping only so Yuuma could rest. After a while they had started talking, and their conversation was more lively and more comfortable than it had ever been. Dell smiled, and he laughed, and he was happy. That was all Yuuma needed. So when Dell screamed his name after they had crashed when he went unconscious, he thought the only thoughts he wanted to remember where the few, few happy ones.

**A/N: hehehe**  
><strong>See ya next chap! <strong>


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